Dix.
Friday, January 13, 2012 @ 12:22 AM / 3 comment(s)Day Ten: One confession.
I don't even know if you could call it a confession or not....
Eh.. well here it goes.
So, last year (well it actually started around december 2010) during the first few months I was quite sick. I felt like throwing up every morning and every day I would feel really weak and tired. I started to have no appetite and the amount of food I ate started to decrease pretty quickly.
Anyways, I tended to weigh myself a lot last year (and I still do but probably not as much). It was only around start if of march that I realised I was losing weight. At first, I didn't give it much thought since my weight fluctuates a bit and I was actually somewhat happy to be losing weight and be closer to my 'ideal weight'. I realised I was losing weight every week and it got to the point where I started becoming a bit scared. I went to the doctors quite a bit as well during march (heh the week before I went to china I went 4 times that week which was weird for me because I hardly go tongue doctors unless it's serious.)
[Hmm...I'm not really sure why I'm telling the story but meh, moving along!]
That week before I went to China, my weight had dropped to 44kg which...isn't exactly healthy for someone my height. Well it gave me a BMI of around 16 so I definitely don't think it's healthy. So long story short, even though I knew I was at an very unhealthy weight and that I should try gain the weight back asap, there was still that part of me that was....happy that I weighed 44kg. It was like 70% of my brain was telling me 'no, you shouldn't be this weight' but the other 30% was having a party and mentally rejoicing that I was this weight. So in a strange way, I kind of enjoyed and liked the fact I was 44kg despite the constant feeling of throwing up and actually throwing up most mornings....Wow, I am so weird o___o.
I don't ever want to weigh 44kg again and I hope I never become sick like I did last year because that was a pretty horrible experience. However, sometimes during those days when I just feel like shit and extremely negative about myself and also very self conscious about my weight...I sometimes wish that I could fall sick again just like last year just so I can reach my more 'ideal weight'.
So yeah, that's my confession...if you can even call it a confession haha.
WOOOO FINISHED THE CHALLENGE :D
Yay. I actually have another 10 day challenge sitting in my drafts which isn't actually challenging at all and I guess more on the fun side :D
Labels: 10 Day Challenge